Certified immaterial appraisal for things that were never really receipts.
The Receipt Scanner accepts any file — a receipt, a photo, a screenshot, a PDF of something you'd rather forget — and passes it through the scanner bed for a full Immaterial Value assessment, issued by the Institute of Retail Reverberations.
Every scan produces its own certificate number, its own itemized breakdown of entirely fictional charges, and a verdict the Institute considers final.
Nothing you drop into the scanner bed is ever uploaded, transmitted, or stored anywhere. The file's name is the only thing the Institute glances at, purely for the certificate — the contents are never opened, read, or examined in any way.
This is not a policy. It's a technical limitation the Institute has chosen to be proud of.
Each report totals a random selection of itemized charges — Nostalgia Surcharges, Emotional Depreciation, Impulse Amplitude Tax, and similar line items — priced within a range the Institute considers scientifically defensible.
Psychological Impact, Existential Weight, and Regret Half-Life are calculated using a proprietary formula the Institute is not prepared to disclose, mostly because it does not have one.
Every report is certified, filed, and immediately forgotten. Certificates cannot be reissued, appealed, or looked up again — the Institute keeps no records beyond the moment of filing.
The Receipt Scanner is provided for entertainment purposes only. Immaterial Value Units (IVU) have no monetary value, exchange value, or value of any kind.